I’m bloated, I’m fat, my skin is itchy, I’m angry and everything annoys me. So, getting excited about dressing up these days can take a bit of effort (and a glass of champers or two)! But I also know that going out, looking nice and seeing friends is ‘good for my stupid mental health.’ So I must make the effort.
Never fear, dear readers – I have done the hard work and scoured the inter-webs and local boutiques and found a few bits and pieces that I can wear that won’t be too tight around my belly, or my crotch, won’t be too hot, will accomodate swelling feet and won’t annoy my skin and am passing them on to you.
It wasn’t easy. But I now present to you – the 6 Pieces I Would Buy In The MId-Season Sales That Won’t Annoy The Fuck Out Of Me (Pricey edition) Why Pricey Edition? Well, I’m closing in to 50 – I don’t know how much time I have left so *Bugger It*, I’m buying the nice stuff.
Morrison Isla Dress
Was $299 NOW $209 – Buy now from David Jones
This comfy dress skims the lumps and bumps and the fabric is warm enough for Autumn without being hot. You can wear with or without the belt – depending on how much you indulge yourself at dins, but I think the skinny leather belt adds a bit of sass. I LOVE that you can wear it with flat shoes and still look groovy (What? were not saying groovy anymore? Damn) and the one shoulder makes it look dressy enough for dinner out but has no fussy annoying bits to get in your way. I know what you’re going to say – you don’t want to show off the tuck-shop lady arms, but it’s only one arm. Get the faux tan out and give it a wipe before you go out. Takes 5kgs off.
Camilla A Night at the Opera Silk Crepe Dress
Was $499 NOW $374 – Buy now from Camilla
Is this dress cheap? No. It’s dear as poison as my Dad would say. (Is poison dear? I have no idea) But once you get one of these frocks, you’ll understand why. It’s made of silk crepe so it literally FLOATS across your body. It’s so cool and floaty and even though they’re one size, they weirdly fit everyone. The low back gives you that extra coverage for we gals who have a little more *ahem* junk in the trunk. So no accidental showing of your full brief cottontails. Sleeves are long without covering the wrists so you stay cool. Don’t be silly like this lass and wear this with sky high heels and a choker. You’ll break an ankle love. Wear a nice short heel and a thin gold chain. Done.
Sass & Bide Deleria Sequin Skirt
WAS $450 NOW $320 – Buy now from Sass & Bide
Remember when we all went mad for Sass & Bide in the 90’s. Then they got weird? Well, either they’ve upped their game or we’ve come full circle and got weird again because I found a few great little pieces in their sale section. No middle-aged-lady fashion wardrobe is complete without sequins. Girls and gays – it’s a must for all the over 40’s to have sequins in their ‘drobe. I don’t make the rules, I just abide by them. If you’re going to do sequins, I love this skirt. (It comes in a mini too). It’s got a funny little suit bit on the top of the skirt which just makes it look a bit cooler than ya mums sequin skirt. And the sequins are flat and pearlescent rather than cheap little silver ones. We’re FANCY old ladies.
Sass & Bide Explosive Tee Dress
WAS $280 NOW $190 – Buy now from Sass & Bide
Yep, Sass & Bide again. This time, they’re created what looks like – a fancy T-shirt. And I am here for it friends! If I could spend my days in a T-shirt, I would. Simple, easy, cool. What’s not to love??
This T-shirt has some gold art-deco stripes. Having recently binged Peaky Blinders, I’m all for a bit of art deco – but really – the beauty of this fit is that you’re WEARING A T-SHIRT. OUT. TO THE PUB! I adore that. Pair of cool slide sandals, some 80’s inspired big, bold earrings from Lovisa and babes, we’re out the door!
I love me an easy bitch.
Rebecca Vallance Versailles Dress
WAS $749 NOW $524 – Buy now from Rebecca Vallance
I wore a Rebecca Vallance dress to my wedding. I was 20kg heavier than I normally am and was so stressed about what I was going to wear that would fit nice. I happened to be at The Strand in Sydney and saw a couple of gorgeous dresses in the window of Rebecca Vallance as I walked past and the lady inside smiled at me, so of course I had to go in. When I tried them on, they were bloody beautiful. The fabric is thick enough to keep its shape but light enough to not feel heavy. This little black dress shows arms and legs, I know. But the black and the bling cover all the sins in-between. So like I said before, a bit of tan in a can on the bits that are showing and bob’s your uncle.
Wearing a Rebecca Vallance dress also makes you feel bougie. They’re really well constructed and fit a woman’s body so well. It makes a difference to your mood. And friends, it would be nice to be in a good mood for a change – so this is being added to cart!
Sass & Bide Medusa Skirt
WAS $990 NOW $490 – Buy now from Sass & Bide
I bloody love this skirt. Normally, these types of dangly bits would annoy the shit out of me, but I’m loving the idea of this because it lets the breeze in. It’s also kinda like having a long skirt without the annoyance of having a long skirt. I love that they’ve paired it with a neon shirt – are neon shirts still in? I don’t know – I can only wear neon with a tan anyway so I would probably do this with a t-shirt – tone down the crazy y’know. The fluffy shoes are also not making me happy – I feel the fluff would tickle my feet and then I’d want to stab everyone so probs not wearing those.
Sol Sana Chain mule black
WAS $199 NOW $60 – Buy now from Sol Sana
I have these shoes in bone. I mean, Beige. Bone…that’s what we used to call beige. Sorry to all the non-Gen X’s for my Gen X terms. These shoes are so very cool. They have a low heel but look guys! It’s a chain! It could be weird. It could look like you’re locking your shoes up to a fence. But it’s not weird.
These shoes have just a slither of leather across the top and that’s it, so if your feet swell in the heat…or when you stand up, or sit down – or just generally wear shoes, like me, they’re perfect. The excess foot just spills out the side which is sounds a little gross but when you know, you know – it’s not gross, it’s great!
They are v cool shoes and I love wearing them when I have on a plain Jane outfit to showcase a pop of fun and remind people I’m still THAT bitch.
And they’re down to $60 bucks! Love that for us.
